The word universe means “to turn into one.”
It’s been a while since I have posted and I have yet to post a personal,
stream of consciousness piece here…..so….yeah.
I continue to find it impossible to live and write simultaneously.
As my story unfolds, it feels all too vulnerable/foolhardy/impatient to turn
the pertinent and intimate events of my life over to words while
anticipating every pending revelation of tomorrow’s unknowns.
Hindsight. Reflection. Time.
These retrospectives give Space for understanding, insight, and the
utilities of concept, metaphor, and development that form a cohesive
and interesting report on an otherwise tangled mess of a personal journey.
That doesn’t mean that I don’t write. Or scribble. Or scratch. Or doodle.
Or muse. Or repeat the same mundane paragraph that haunts every journal;
a pep talk, usually, about how no matter how great or awful __(life)___ might
feel in that moment, change is inevitable. The pages of my notebooks are salted and
peppered with hopeful, “You can do it, buddy’s,” half-hearted “Fuck this shit’s,”
lists of good intent, and lots of bad ideas.
Often on the same page.
And eventually the unknowns become known.
The story progresses, the chapters begin and end in harmony with the seasons, or weeks,
or months, or years…whichever arbitrary system we use to mark these inevitable changes.
And along with the physical, visceral, ethereal, real, and imagined transformations,
when change is ACKNOWLEDGED it is ultimately a reflection of our own growth and
increased understanding through the personal journey.
That’s what makes the present so elusive and boring.
Change is happening right now. And now. And now. And now. And now.
To attempt to capture the present is to lose it entirely.
That is, to convey any notion of present-ness – its eternal permanence and passing –
forces us to search for meaning and knowledge from the past, apply these
definitions to a “now” that is simultaneously expiring and yet to exist, relative to
predisposed predictions about the infinite possibilities of an unknowable future.
It is this Time and Space… or non-Time and non-Space… of the present moment
wherein lies the magic and the mystery. The infinite knowing that the present
is the only thing that *actually* exists and since you’re the only thing responsible
for your reality, it is your life’s work to be present with each moment
as they ebb and flow and zoom and wander through your being in a single breath times infinity.
This is the power of Being.
Of unconditional Love.
Of Accepting that every thing is temporary.
Of Gratitude for what has been, what is, and will be.
The present moment is a chance to shape your future as it gives way to
past knowledge and intentions.
It’s how dreams become reality and where your magic is no longer a surprise visitor.
It’s an opportunity to create and cultivate a life worthy of you living it.
Right here-right here.
Right now-right now.
“Letting go is like…..the hardest thing ever….until you let go. Then you realize that hanging on was the hardest thing ever and really, it was the transition that you feared most.” – yours truly
From sleep to awake
Vacation back to work
Cradle to Grave
All discomfort and not knowing and newness and unfamiliar stuff happening.
Change is inevitable.
We invented time to measure change.
Change is more real than time.
With each breath, each passing day, change is ever upon us; on the horizon, down the street, in front of your eyes and you are it. Because you change. All day everyday. Change comes from within. Change your mind. Change your perspective. Change your definition of success. Change your furniture. Change the song that’s playing. Even that millisecond of silence between songs offers endless possibilities : a shitty song comes on, a great song comes on, battery dies – no music, app closes unexpectedly….and that’s just in the silence between songs.
Let go of your expectation for change to be predictable.
It is the essence of change – of transition – that forces us into Faith, Trust, Hope, and Acceptance of what has been, what is, and what is yet to be.
as i peruse my old journals and doodles and notes and jots, time and time again i see how i knew all the answers before they became apparent to my consciousness. muddling through the details, sweating the small stuff, wondering how ever in the world was i going make it through….
looking over old texts, clearing out emails and messages, i also see tons of answers to my own questions…making me further realize that all that i need i already have within me. sometimes i just have to take my own advice.
do you look over your old journals and notes? what do you see throughout the years? do you find this kind of information useful?
if you see patterns of negativity in your personal paper trail, you can change your present course by saying (or yelling) “ok, self…listen up!! we’re gonna change a few things around here, but it’s for the better – so your cooperation at this time is greatly appreciated!!!”
if you mess up, forgive yourself and move on. each moment is a new opportunity. if you hit a wall, change your definition of success. make your goal something you can easily accomplish in a day.
somewhere, buried in all of us, are the all the answers we’ll ever need…since we’re the ones who make the questions in the first place.
on the path of becoming more myself, i have encountered a number
of detours along the way. diverging from my track to explore other
territories, derailed by doubt and fear, coaxed from the trail by
curiosity, boredom, misguided hope, laziness….
i often stray from the spiritual path…and am quickly reminded
of how much more difficult Life is when i try to be something i’m not.
when i follow in another’s footsteps, i lose sight of my own.
where i’ve been, where i am and where i’m going all gets lost
in somebody else’s idea of being. all of a sudden, i look up and
i’ve wandered so far from my own path that i can’t even see
what set me off track in the first place.
that’s when i realize that it’s all part of the journey.
the detours and divergent paths of distraction are
opportunities to practice what i’ve learned
and more importantly:
to learn what needs more practice.
it is this crucial lesson that is to be
brought forth by such wanderings…
to become illuminated by imperfection.
basking in my own humanity i am reminded of my path;
of my own, personal journey to perfection
of becoming the perfect me
…which i already am.
Lotsa folks these days are saying,
“I’m not so much religious, I’m spiritual.”
Well that’s fine and dandy, but I find that I’m
very religious and quite spiritual.
Rites, rituals, celebrations, formalities, ceremony…
all of this facilitates the spiritual experience.
Otherwise, how would we know when the Spirit of God was falling or not?
Can we even tear the two apart?
Can we be religious without being spiritual
or spiritual without being religious?
Right now the practical isn’t working, so I’m resorting to magic.
It’s not always – or even often – the case, but I’ve done the research and it seems that it’s time for magic right now. Throw all your rules and rulers out the window because magic doesn’t care about guidelines or gurus. Magic cares about you, it cares about here and it cares about now. That’s about it. Everything else is beyond the realm of YOUR magic’s reach. Because magic comes from within.
The timing is wrong, the results are not yielding in the familiar ways. What happens when the practical is the only magic you know? “Effectiveness is the measure of truth” and “There’s always another way to do anything” come to mind.
It’s time to let go, to go with the flow, to love unconditionally, to believe in your dreams, to imagine new heights, to ask for the impossible; it’s time to level the fuck up.
And so far it’s working.
It works better than stressing.
It works better than guessing.
Magic works the way only it knows how.
Fueled by Faith and Encouraged by Hope, Magic happens when there’s Love.
Not sure how long this window will last, when it will be time to return to the practical – maybe tomorrow, maybe never. All I know is that I’m yielding better results -right now- without trying so damn hard.
as we encounter the onslaught of information each day, our brains process each bit of data according to importance. if you’re at work and ‘in the zone,’ you’re not going notice the gatherings at the water cooler or another pot of coffee being made…but when you need social integration or a break, these things will come to the forefront of your attention and distract you from the task at hand. likewise, when mediums such as television, magazines in the grocery check-out line, billboards on your commute all tell you what to be and how to be that thing and what product you need to get you there, don’t think that you are immune to its message. depending on your mental state, you may be more or less susceptible to the message of the mass mediums of our day.
set your focus on positivity and allow the positive of each bit of data flow through you. acknowledge your emotions and your reactions throughout the day. if you’re angry, you might really just be hungry or thirsty or tired. examine your actions throughout the day….are you eating enough vegetables and drinking enough water? are you getting enough rest and sleep? did you know that rest and sleep are not the same thing? do your actions reflect your lack of breathing into each moment or are you calm, cool, and collected despite adversity? what kinds of situations make you hold your breath or induce shallow breathing? remember that it begins and ends with the breath, so using it to move through difficult moments is as helpful as it is in keeping you alive throughout the day….it’s just that you have to think about one of them.
combine your thought with your breath. the best way to begin is to set an intention and then inhale and exhale 10 times, thinking only about each breath as it is happening. don’t worry if it’s perfect, we’ll get into the intricacies of breath work soon…just take a moment to think about your breath today, give gratitude for this involuntary reflex that keeps Life in us! BREATHE!
Here’s an easy-to-read-and-understand guide to the moon’s phases.
It might help explain what’s happening and why;
and give you a better idea of how to make the most of the
inevitable changes brought about by Moon.
Imagine being in a tribe of about 25 or so people on the night of a New Moon.
Huddled around the fire all is well, but beyond y’all is Infinite Darkness of Nothingness.
The landscape is invisible and full of every possibility that only The Void can bring.
Enveloped in the Black Womb of Creation and Destruction you know Fear and Hope
it is the Beginning and End of All Things.
….Before God said, “Let there be Light,” there was first
the Deep Dark Nothingness from which Light and Life spring forth.
Now imagine a couple weeks later when the Full Moon
lights up your whole world and everything that was once hidden
around you is illuminated and nothing is unseen or unknown.
It is as if the Sun is out at night and you can run, jump and play
through the night without doubt or fear…there’s an obvious correlation here.
Moon controls the very tide, it is by the Moon that we plant and harvest.
By the Sun we are given Light and our ever-changing Night Light….
Yet Moon reminds us of the Feminine in Her Constant Change, guiding
the Ebb and Flow of Humanity…Moon reminds us of the Breath in Her Full Moon Inhale
and Her New Moon Exhale and each and every phase of the waxing and waning
process….Moon reminds us of Life in Her Brightest Moments and Darkest Hours.
It’s always been a dream of mine to go into space and to the moon.
Would you go to the Moon?
Do you have any Moon rituals?
Do you notice any personal patterns that go along with Moon’s phases?
Do you only think about the Moon once in a Blue Moon?