It’s been a while since I have posted and I have yet to post a personal,
stream of consciousness piece here…..so….yeah.
I continue to find it impossible to live and write simultaneously.
As my story unfolds, it feels all too vulnerable/foolhardy/impatient to turn
the pertinent and intimate events of my life over to words while
anticipating every pending revelation of tomorrow’s unknowns.
Hindsight. Reflection. Time.
These retrospectives give Space for understanding, insight, and the
utilities of concept, metaphor, and development that form a cohesive
and interesting report on an otherwise tangled mess of a personal journey.
That doesn’t mean that I don’t write. Or scribble. Or scratch. Or doodle.
Or muse. Or repeat the same mundane paragraph that haunts every journal;
a pep talk, usually, about how no matter how great or awful __(life)___ might
feel in that moment, change is inevitable. The pages of my notebooks are salted and
peppered with hopeful, “You can do it, buddy’s,” half-hearted “Fuck this shit’s,”
lists of good intent, and lots of bad ideas.
Often on the same page.
And eventually the unknowns become known.
The story progresses, the chapters begin and end in harmony with the seasons, or weeks,
or months, or years…whichever arbitrary system we use to mark these inevitable changes.
And along with the physical, visceral, ethereal, real, and imagined transformations,
when change is ACKNOWLEDGED it is ultimately a reflection of our own growth and
increased understanding through the personal journey.
That’s what makes the present so elusive and boring.
Change is happening right now. And now. And now. And now. And now.
To attempt to capture the present is to lose it entirely.
That is, to convey any notion of present-ness – its eternal permanence and passing –
forces us to search for meaning and knowledge from the past, apply these
definitions to a “now” that is simultaneously expiring and yet to exist, relative to
predisposed predictions about the infinite possibilities of an unknowable future.
It is this Time and Space… or non-Time and non-Space… of the present moment
wherein lies the magic and the mystery. The infinite knowing that the present
is the only thing that *actually* exists and since you’re the only thing responsible
for your reality, it is your life’s work to be present with each moment
as they ebb and flow and zoom and wander through your being in a single breath times infinity.
This is the power of Being.
Of unconditional Love.
Of Accepting that every thing is temporary.
Of Gratitude for what has been, what is, and will be.
The present moment is a chance to shape your future as it gives way to
past knowledge and intentions.
It’s how dreams become reality and where your magic is no longer a surprise visitor.
It’s an opportunity to create and cultivate a life worthy of you living it.
Right here-right here.
Right now-right now.